catherine’s prayers
since i’m usually at work all day, the joy usually falls on me to “do night-night” with our girls. among other things, our routine always includes prayers. here’s some of catherine’s prayers (keep in mind, she’s two).
“dear God, help me only sleep good. help me only have bad dreams. help me only have good days. help me only have a new heart. in Jesus’ only name, amen.” at this point, abigail, relieved that she no longer has to bite her lip waiting to hear “amen” so she can talk, says disgustedly, “NO, CATHERINE! HAVE ONLY GOOD DAYS!!”
“dear God, help me sleep good. help me get this baby up. help me get this baby up. help me get this baby up-” at this point, i open my eyes and find her attempting to rescue a wedged baby doll from between the bed and the nightstand. i prompt her to go ahead and close the prayer, “in Jesus’ name . . .” “amen,” she says.
“dear God, help me not touch mommy’s glasses (as she touches mommy’s glasses), help me not get mommy’s ookies (as she reaches up mommy’s nose), help me lay this baby down on this table (as she lays the baby doll down on the nightstand), help me not knock over this picture (as she removes her hand away from said baby which is now laying next to a framed picture), help me . . .” well, you get the point.
and then there’s my personal favorite, “dear God, help daddy be a good mister.”
for the trained terminix professional only
it’s time to reveal some of the bug business’s trade secrets (i hope i don’t get into trouble revealing these). here’s a couple of important things they teach you at bug-killing training:
don’t pour pesticides on your hands, or anywhere else on your skin.
don’t keep your chemicals in the same compartment with your lunch.
don’t keep your lunch in the same compartment with your chemicals.
even when you think it’s safe, check for (doggy) landmines in every yard.
don’t store the clothing and gear designed to keep you safe from chemicals in the same compartment that you store your chemicals.
don’t use your mouth to syphon pesticide chemicals through a hose.
don’t try to rob a house that is being fumigated without a self contained breathing apparatus.
when attempting to commit suicide by ingesting pesticide chemicals, make sure that the poison is strong enough to kill you, not just strong enough to leave you suffering with a life-long case of the runs.
there you have it folks. just a few more reasons that terminix is #1 worldwide in the pest control business.
